In every lifetime, the universe blesses us with a spirit guides or even the rarity of a guardian angel. Sometimes you may even be blessed to have a shining light of hope and understanding that seems to always be there when you are ready to call it quits on life. Call it a saving grace if you will. My savior and guiding light has always been Sally Drew.
This lady has saved my life so many times I stopped counting. You see for so long in my life I was lost. Not just about my future but as to even why I had to live to begin with. For as long as I can remember this gal has helped give me reason to keep going. She has given me love when there was none in this world. She has given me family when mine had all gone. She has given me comfort when the chaos had taken me to the darkest of places and above all she has been a shining light down whatever path I found myself in. She is the mom of all of us way ward children. Not the hug mom..the mom that makes you feel important and loved, understood..needed and also lets you know when you've fucked up and still loves you no matter what.
Often in my journey I have lacked hope, desire and self love. Sally didn't have to take me on in her life, I was a wreck of a kid who had big ideas and an even bigger mouth and a bigger drinking habit, but she did. There were so many others out there like me that I couldn't see why she would want all of my craziness, but she did. The day I met her was the day my life changed. I may not of listened or been able to be as grown up about things then so I didn't even know what she was doing. I knew that she was there for me but it took me to really grow up to understand what I had been doing half my life. She kept me alive by loving me long enough for me to finally love myself.
My biological mother took her life when I was 17. She suffered from the same illness I have. My mom was my world for a lot of my life and allusive the rest. But I was blessed in knowing her. I love her and miss her still. No one could really fill the void of just needing to be loved, besides the obvious loss. When Sally entered my life I knew that it was because my mom was watching out for me. Sally has been and always will be the closest thing I will ever have to that kind of relationship. I have never had to tell her how I feel cuz she knows me way to well. Better than I knew myself.
Sally knows my heart, she knows how I tick, she knows when to walk away and when I need help. She has taught me some of the most valuable lessons in the world, things I didn't know I was learning at the time. She instilled morals that I didn't see until I was no longer blinded by my own internal battles. Then she taught me how to give it all back. How to do for others, how to grab on to something and own it. She did all of this for me ya all and I could never say thank you, cuz it's never enough. It would never be enough to just say thanks man, no....there are no words that could express my gratitude for her not giving up on me.
Sally is a huge supporter and advocate for the Walk for the Cure, which she involved me in sometime around 2008 or 2009. Sally does not have breast cancer nor did she know anyone with the decease. She walks to save the rest of us. She walks so that none of her daughters, including way ward kids, friends, parents..no one would ever have to suffer with Breast Cancer. This is a lady who got some of Portland's finest entertainers to raise money for charity. Car washes, panty raids, river rat parties..man you name it, she has used her love of life and magnetic personality to pull together groups of folks you would never see together on a normal day...Just so no one has to suffer. She is selfless on so many levels and always has more to give.
The day she invited me to join her walk team the Boobie Doobies was another example of how she changed me. I was selfish, drunk..stupid and she gave me a reason to sober up and be downtown by 6:30am. She knows that the only way to keep the enormous wealth of the light she admits, she must give it away. That day she gave me a sense of self I had never had before. Seeing all of those faces, looking at all the pictures of so many who are suffering or who have passed...and here I was all worried about poor me. My bad relationships, bad choices and bad attitudes...dude, I almost tear up when I think about it because, standing there that day I realized how fortunate I was to be alive and how much I had taken advantage of the life I had been given. She may not of set out to teach me this lesson but trust me, its ingrained in my soul.
At some of the lowest points of my life Sally has stepped in to be my voice of reason. She has been with me longer than my bio mother was and loved me the same. She taught me how to river raft, which if you think was just booze cruising, your sadly mistaken. This is a chick that hit Big Eddie going backwards down the Clackamas River! She seems to have no fear in her ventures! Without even knowing it she celebrated one of my birthdays with such a trip, maybe she knew it was my bday I am not sure. What I do know is that day I was going to take my life....This I promise you she did not know. I was so sick of hurting and the depression, drinking to kill myself- kill the pain, the loneliness, the self hate and I was loosing my battle fast. That part was obvious. There was an actual term for it Bonny Drunk!
She picked me up that day and took me to the water, handed me a tomato budwiser and I went with the flow...the next day...same thing...I became damn good at it and had more fun they you could ever imagine...but I stayed alive. I am alive and fairly mentally awesome thanks to her. Oh a fuck ton of work and programs...bla bla bla you know what I mean but she never let me too far from her sight. She saw something in me that she loved and that most likely scared the hell out of her..I am not sure what she saw when she looked at me but she saw someone worth loving.
Sally is married to one of the most wonderful men Ive had the pleasure to meet. Tom Drew, the man Sally calls ger rock, the love of her life and a damn good friend to those he knows. They say behind ever good woman is an amazing man but that is folks that have ordinary lives. These two reinstate my faith in family and honest real love. They are best friends, lovers...sidekicks and warriors. Their yin is a yang and their perfect circle starts and always ends with them. Together they could have their own stand up comedy show, so witty and always having a reason to smile or laugh. When things are rough...they turn to each other first. Man, you hear about this kind of love you I doubt however "they" have ever seen this kind of connection. These two were meant to be. And I have never been more blessed to know a couple in my life. Hey Tom...if your reading this....ITS HORSESHIT! lol
I wish I had the time to go fully into the complexities of my feelings and friendship with them but somethings I suppose you can just feel for yourself. I wanted to write this blog because even though it has been a while since we have been in each others presence, she went off and changed my life..AGAIN....this time is the biggest way the world over. Sally has always had a whimsical garden. One that I loved when she moved to Portland but within the last few years she moved to the Gorge and we watch each other more on Facebook.
Winter last year I started really considering doing a small garden, just something fun and maybe just a plant or two. I knew nothing about but thought ok, maybe I will put my thoughts out on Facebook and see what dice the Universe would roll. As if by the gods, Sally replied, she was the only one who did. It was the most simple thing in the world but she posted pictures of her tomatoes on line and I went nuts. They were huge, beautiful and her smile showed how proud she was so I put asked how she did it and she introduced me to my next never met best friend Jess at Roots and Refuge Farms. Sally had been following them on Youtube and told me all about them. I watched 1 video...just 1 and two days later I had a watched a years worth of videos and with Sally encouraging me..I decided to start my garden and this blog and now Facebook..so on and so on. She was the first to like the page, first to become a member of the Hive and the first to tell me how awesome I am. Is she kidding me? I'm awesome???!! WOW this chick...is far to humble!
It wasn't that she gave me a YouTube channel link, it wasn't that she liked my stuff it was that once again I needed guidance and once again..she led me to the light, down my path as she has done for as long as I can remember now. She in that moment gave me a purpose, the educational material and the love to give myself and something new a try. It was that she enjoys something and is willing to share in it. She gives of herself so freely to those close to her, without her I may not of ever followed this path. I owe her and all others who support me at least the acknowledgement of telling her as much. I want all of my online friends and readers to understand that my struggle was and always will be real. I will get lost, find myself...fuck it all up..win it all back but at the end of the day...the best things I do, the accomplishments I make..the big dreams I will live are a direct result of one woman...who cared for me until I could care for myself and someone I am blessed Af to call my friend.
Sally, my garden blooms because I have grown. I grew because I had people who would not no matter what give up on me. I never gave up because you wouldn't let me lol Everything I do in this, I do knowing your always watching. I have you to thank for so many things...I will never have words enough to thank you for helping me, loving me, caring for me, teaching me and supporting me. You have so many of us out there that you've cared for...I want you to know how loved you are back. The B. Hive was created to foster all of the things you instilled in me through out the years and a tribute to my growth. Mostly lady, you saved me..from myself and for that I will be forever grateful. I am honored by you and I hope you watch this site knowing that it is dedicated to you, my sweet friend. I love you Sally and Tom. This site is to follow in your footsteps and give away all that I have learned, my experiences and my hopes just as the two of you have done for so many years. I hope to teach as you have taught, I hope to place love where there is none and I want to be a light in the dark. I could not of done any of this nor would I be around to enjoy it if it were not for you.
I found myself in my own creations and I was lead there by love.
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