The Summer sun is starting to die down here in the Pacific NW and with it comes cooler air and fall harvest. This is an exciting time for us here at the Magic Garden as this mean it is time that we think about winter and spring harvests.
I have been slowly updating the garden beds, spaces and walk ways to become an enchanted forest of beauty and growth. It has only been a short time since I began this project but it has fully bloomed into an outdoor space of my dreams. I manifested the magic within myself and created a marvel of invention. I have been told that it reminds a friend of ours of the gates of Narnia..I will happily take that.
On September 20th, 2019 I lost the best friend in the world I had ever had to congestive heart failure. My Samson ascended back to the light in which he came and with him took my heart. It has been the most devastating time of my life. He was more than my best friend and constant companion, Sam was my inspiration for living, my beacon of hope and my savior for more than 10 years. His loss has left me emotionally empty. Today is 9/25/19 and I am hoping to bring his remains home today...my garden as well as my family's support is the only things that has kept me going this past few days. My heart is broken in ways I would of never thought it could. I will never be the same, I will never love the same and above all...my life will never be the same without him. He was everything to me. I love him so much, miss him beyond breath and can't believe I will never get to hold him again. Right now, all I can think to do is work, work the garden, grow more..do more...stay busy. So that is exactly what I am going to do. Everything I have ever learned about living my best life will have to be what gets me through the worst of deaths. It has taken a lot for me to realize that I am not alone..nor will I ever have to be alone. As my fiance told me the other day, Darrian and he will be my emotional support animals from this day forward. As heartbreaking to think that Sam can't be here for me in this way anymore...I had to realize the impact of that statement. I am not alone, I am loved, supported, needed and wanted. This as well could take some getting used to.
My amazing Son Darrian and the love of my life, Michael have done all that they can emotionally and in every other way to keep me from breaking down. One of these such things was helping me to update the garden. They know that it is the place I retreat to when life is to much and what they did was astounding. I had bought a few canopies for the garden in hopes of not just expanding the space but also to have cover for when friends visit. The rain comes and goes like the wind here so you never know when it may decide to wash out a party. My space is now sacred, not just to me but to all that enter it. I contribute this directly to my family becoming more involved in my life and in the garden. It is amazing how it draws the positive energy in people and lures you into it's spell. You can't help but leave it with a full heart and a calmness that allows one to marinate in for hours after walking past it's threshold. The garden is magic...just as I proclaimed it was. No, your not going to walk in and turn into a frog but the frog in you will be definable. It will make you feel like a princess or prince or just feel normal. The magic of it is in family, the sharing, the memories, the hard work..the damn water bill.the healthy and beautiful food your growing..watching something you sowed grow...your inner growth....the smiles, the tears..its there. The magic is within you and when you garden..that magic manifests into reality and feeling.
The morning after Sams passing, they both got up and were like...lets do this. Despite themselves and the heat of the day..they got dressed and went outside to put the second canopy up. We had done the first one together a few days prior but I had a lot going on around that time so I didn't get a chance to update the blog...so we move on with the second one to save us all a bunch of reading time.
Standing there looking at them both I couldn't help but double take. These two love me so much that they had it in mind that my garden might be the one place I could heal from all of this loss. They created a space for me to grow and heal and be free of pressures or outside interference. They built me a sanctuary within a sanctuary within a home. That, my online friends is something this life has never afforded me before. I wasn't sure if I should smile, laugh, cry...I still am beside my own emotions looking at the progress of this project. Looking at my two men standing there with love and sadness in their hearts, man dude talk about a lucky lucky woman. How fortunate am I that I did not have to walk through this alone and that the only one thing that makes me smile..they used to find me. I get lost as I have told you in the past. Life does that, it comes along and smacks you so hard in the face you loose yourself for a time. I am notorious for this, like its my damn job. But not since I got my life together and began loving myself. Even still, no matter how many tools in your tool box you have or how much support or counseling sometimes you just get lost....
My guys refused for me to take that path but never let on to what they were trying to do nor that I needed to think or feel or act any different than I was. They just let me be me and in doing that...I stayed away from the darker or the two paths and taken a road that led me back to recovery. I could not of done this one on my own, nor would I have tried. I needed them just as I needed Sam all of those years. Sam knew this and would of never left me behind if he didn't think I was where he was suppose to take me in this life. Selfishly I will always need Sam in my life, I just have to live it a bit differently then before.
The 2nd Canopy came to us as if it was meant to be, when I started all of this I didn't plan for them to be apart of the plan. This is why I tell folks to always expect change, never be scared to change things around and never stick to the end result of a plan because as your garden grows, so do you. Your flexibility and patience with these ideas, one might think would be unwavered but I promise you that it is simply just not true. You adapt so quick and the excitement of starting something that surrounds you in love will eventually allow you to be more free with your space and plans.
To be honest I did not see me growing half of the things I am now. I think we counted a total of 42 varieties of vegetables last night when I believe i started with like 9 or 10. The progression of this garden is nothing more than the real progression of life once you are acclimated to living on it's terms. But from growing a ton of seeds in my dinning room to now having an outdoor sanctuary and sacred space that grows the food we produced together. Dude...there is no better feeling in the world.
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