The Magic Garden has a charming way of luring or woo-ing you to its call. The entire family has begun to find sanctuary within it's boundaries. It's everyday growth and life has ingrained itself into our lives, schedules, habits and visions. It has brought to us so many amazing things this year, knowledge being its first spell, that we forget that it is as we are, creations from the source and not always at our will. This past two weeks have been some of the most challenging for us all here at the Hive. With the loss of my most beloved, most adored and trusted of familiars, my personal daily route has been upside down. It has affected us all in so many ways and our garden has given us a pathway to healing.
But the morning of October 2nd we received a warning from the National Weather System stating that a cold from from Canada is on it way and could drop past freezing. We thought this to be highly unlikely because it had been in the 70's all week. But just in case we heeded the warning and went to the local store to grab all we could to cover the garden. Plastic sheeting is all that we were able to find along with some metal garden poles...once the market season is over it is nearly impossible to get gardening stuff unless online or the hee haw store.
We did all we could to wrap the entire tomato box, squash and cover the green beans. There was really not enough time and we worked with the materials we had. In a pinch this would normally work. You should never be worried about using what we have, if you can't afford plastic sheeting a plastic trash bag or 4 work. It doesn't have to be perfect just effective. Well, I don't think we expected what we woke up to the following morning.
HOLY POOP YA ALL!
Frozen hose!!!!!
Dear goddess...what would I find once I crossed the threshold of the Garden!!!????
It was my worst nightmare imagined. I could tell right away that through the veil there was death as far as the eye could see, it was that obvious. What wasn't broken within me with the death of Sam snapped right there. I could see that almost the entire garden was frozen or dead. Not dying, dead.
Everything I worked for, all the money spent, all of the time and daily efforts (morning, noon and night), all the stuff that was suppose to get us through the winter...gone, just like that
Many times, I have watched my favorite online chick from Roots and Refuge Farms, Jess talk about her emotions and the feelings that growing your own food can give you. I have laughed with her, I have cried with her..she shares things that speak to me. Though we have never met nor spoken- she speaks to a part of me that wants to learn and grow and be blessed and grateful for the hard work. At that moment I was not alone in this and my emotional breakdown was valid. This sucked! But not the end of the story. She taught me that you will live to seed another day...and you will out of shear determination.That in doing so, you learn who you are and that you can and will succeed, even if its not last season or the next, eventually you will rock it.
I am hard of hearing (If you know what I mean), so this in itself is kind of a blessing. She has shared her sadness at the end of a season...at that moment we shared a sadness unlike anything I had walked through before. The circle of life garden style. Admittedly the first hour was pretty ugly, self destructive and just a whirl-wind of confusing dialect that begged more questions than answers. It seems that no matter how much counselling you have or how much help you have asked for or how much you use the tools you've collected..still you battle with yourself.
My best friend in the world, in my soul...in this life had just left me and now it seemed all the beauty I created in his lifetime went with him. I still choke up thinking about this day...it kind of hurt, hurt like hell really. But I was not alone in this battle. None what so ever. It seemed this too Jess and I had in common, she too was suffering a loss of someone she loved. Oddly parallel I get that but similar enough that I related to her struggle and it was very real. And she went on to rebuild in other ways. But knowing I was not alone..meant the world to me. While she was able to find resolution from her past experience I was a new-B and, well...keep reading!
As I walked through the levels, each step brought me closer to the one thing we did all that work protecting, the tomatoes. And...Almost all of the had died or were frozen. I think my heart may have froze just then. I picked the very few that I could and tried to lay them in the sun to ripen up but I was to late and they all turned to mush! My ginormous Squash plants..a Popsicle and everything else was just...almost black. The green beans looked like black vines of blobbish moosh...I cried my entire ass off, and then, like magic my amazing man comes out and says to me, so what are we planting next?
Dumbfounded that he had found this loop hole in my physic, with these blue eyes that could melt the panties off the Mona Lisa...I was stuck in a duh starring at him! Clearly he saw the effects on me, clearly he felt my emotion and clearly he is my super hero...it never fails, he always finds a way to recenter my thinking. In all my boo hoo-ing I was so honestly complacent in the moment and in my own self that I hadn't thought of what was next. Then he says to me that I should really take a good look at all that I have learned because next season he knows we'll have more than we can handle, also telling me that I had a lot to be proud of. Damn, just when my inner drama queen thought it needed a parade, I am reminded of how far we had come.
Although I did not get to stock up the pantry as I started out to do, I did get to use some of the veggies that came from the garden and we did get to sample at least 1 of everything except the Squash. I was able to make a soup out of the tomatoes we grew as well as chili. We used a ton of the Herbs and ate almost every Pea, Strawberry and Green Bean that grew. Our family grew along side the garden, we created what it is today together. We had many afternoon talks, a few impromptu date nights, many hours of meditation there. I learned everything I know about power tools and the beauty of a hand sander. I learned that I could accomplish anything I set my mind out to do. I learned who I am, who I want to be and that there was someone out there meant for me. He found me. The baby learned to walk at the same time as the garden was started, we have all spent many hours together in our own creation. The family pictures we took while building awnings and the family gatherings that sparked some of the wine bottles that light up the walk way. Sam spent his last summer there. He watched his last sunset just in front of it, he got to spend his last months among lush greens and a happy home. Sam passed away in the happiest place we had ever lived. We have made plans for and in this garden. We have played tricks on each other, cried..laughed and lived within it's veil. For every failed attempt there were a million reasons we all and especially I, have to be thankful. No matter how unexpected or unplanned, it feels now as if it was all really part of the bigger plan.
I may of started this project to find myself but I have to ask if that was really why I really did all of this to begin with? I look back now and see that I was really preparing for a better life..with a man who really loves me back. I did find myself...I did everything I set out to do...even without thinking I got the family and the love I was truly manifesting. So..with all of this that happened, with everything I have shared with you since I started this..the notion that this all happened in a matter of 9 months..isn't as crazy today as if you would of told me this in the beginning. Simply put..my Phoenix had just got her wings. This was only the learning stage of this new life..there is much more learning to be done.
And all it took was someone to love me back enough to just say something...silly isn't it? Just that love and support alone gave me the strength I needed to fight against my inner self and for myself. I learned a lot with the garden dying and now I know things I did not before. The circle of life may not be based on what makes me happy but I guess I am learning to live within it's restrictions and boundaries. Looking at it now I just see a clean slate and what I will do differently next time around. He was right, I did learn a shit ton this past season and was able to teach others as well. I know now that tomatoes need calcium, I know now that you have to prune squash plants and that ant-acid makes the perfect cure for blight. He was right there to make sure he caught me when I fell but taught me how to build a net along the way.
I love you Michael, thank you so much for teaching me that I have a lot left to learn, that I am worthy of this and for inspiring me to keep this vision going..your my Rock, my best friend...my everything!
The garden is sleeping and will awaken again. Michael has reminded me that there is much planning to do, much work to catch up the website, plans that need to be completed and an entire world to create starting in January. Life isn't over when the season ends, in fact once it begins the planning for the next should be your next priority. I learned the value of a real relationship, one built of trust and communication along with the list of things I stated before. My biggest lesson is that I can't give up on myself when he tries so hard to keep me going.This is the end of our first season but the beginning of our next.... I still have a lot to learn about myself and about this new life but with the support and love of my family, our determination together will keep us growing!
Nothing in this world is meant to be easy, there are lessons in almost everything that happens. Some meant to teach us, others meant to change us. In my experience the magic of the garden is it's ability to make us understand the difference.
Until next time ya all..
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