It has been far to long since I posted and I apologize for this but I've been a busy little B!
Rather than blogging this summer, I have actually been out living my dreams. Taking notes, a butt load of pictures and really just living. I worked so hard on finding myself I kind of got lost in the joy of figuring it all out. Its not been easy, but truth is...its been the best year of my life.Since my last post the world I began to manifest for myself a year ago, at the beginning of this journey, has truly become a reality. On a normal basis I have great intentions with my projects in life but never go any further than making them awesome and then moving on. But once I made the decision to create a new life and find beauty in life rather than concentrating on everything that blows a spark of light ignited something awesome in me. So much in fact I felt compelled to tell you. This path has completely changed my life, lifestyle, motivations, weekends, free time, family time and mostly my being. I am evidence that when you believe in something hard enough, be willing to surrender to it's process and learn some damned patience...things happen man, and they happen big.
I set out to challenge myself, create amazing things from recycled material and be damn sure I could feed my family on my own and all while finding myself. I had to once again in life find a damn good reason to keep going. I am sure you can relate to this. The struggle is to real...
I suffer from depression and am one of the few in my family to actually survive this decease. If you know me, then you know I do not give up lightly but when I do its a train-wreck at best. When I am at my best..there is nothing I can not turn to gold. I have worked far to hard and far to long to let some little punk ass dude ruin my life or take it away but at the end of the day dude..its really about you. I had to want to fight again, I had to want to live and I could not imagine loosing myself in bullshit again but sometimes, the depression takes over. As mine has done time and time again. With a fuck ton of work, determination, a support system even god wish he had and the ability to just cut the shit...not this time Satan, not this time!
This time I manifested something beyond itself, something bigger than me. I manifested a soul connection with mother earth. With Isis, with Thoth and all of our creators. I created life, abundant and lush leaves hanging with fruit. I have created sacred space, a breath of fresh air and a place I'm proud to host friends and spend quality time with my family.
I've' bleed, I hurt myself to the point of days on the couch, I fucked things up, like nothing is perfect and honestly..I somehow never cared, I did it! I've changed my mind a million times and have spent hours just starring, imagining what nothing might look like. But dude...I did it. I believed enough in myself, took those risks...cried..bleed..lay awake...I have spent more time on this than I do cleaning my own house...I did it. I created my magic garden. By hand, with all recycled materials, I spent very little money and I became everything I saw in the mirror. Strong, beautiful..able and worthy. This blog isn't so much about the glitz of the things I plan to show you in the future. This one is about you, me and manifesting dreams.
Within the next few posts my goal is to show you all of the growth the last year has brought to me. If you think for any reason you can not do the same...dude, get a fucking lobotomy! Your high and need to think again. I am the biggest advocate of why try if you can't rock it but once you get over yourself and just try...you'll realize very soon what your capable of and how down on yourself you can be. You my internet friend are wrong and it shows! You can do this, all of this!
Shut out all the voices your inner asshole can siren and start listening to the cues the Universe gives you...you can grow your own food. If I can do this..and the fire department has yet to be called...I am damn sure anyone can do it. I started out with nothing, went from borrowed tools to hand me downs that changed my life to literally living my dream, feeding my family with food we grew, having a sense of pride at all I have accomplished. I am blessed in the bounty of my own creation...I've gained confidence in myself but more so perspective of who that is and what the future is to look like. I am just saying but you prevent you from growing far more than you could prevent a garden from growing. Your garden bloom starts with you man, if your not willing to grow than you won't, a garden on the other hand...will. So...how do you like them apples?
Something compelled me to start this and continue...the Universe decided to intervene in my life and for once I listened. I went with the flow instead of fighting everything. It is now August..I started the majority of this last winter and a see no end in sight. I am not just growing a summer harvest but a fall garden as well as working on next springs as well. I wanted a place of serenity, a place for friends to relax, a place to just be silent and I will be damned if I didn't go off and created it. I can now sit under a trellis of beautiful plants with my Chakra chart and Eye of Ra meditation deck, under the stars surrounded by striking solar lights and solar flower spikes. And as I sit a top the platform and manifest my future self, I grow along side the plants I've mothered since seed. And we be looking good too! lol
It has opened itself up to allowing a new love into my life, besides the garden. It took me a year of being alone and exploring the options of the many facets of what makes me tick, although I am still on exhibition, I am so much closer to becoming the divine being I was created to be. The divinity comes from knowledge, knowledge must be sought and in order to seek the answers, you have to begin a journey. As you follow the cue's the Universe provides and decide to take the first step...you have to want it, work for it, take some risks, do some shit stuff and things and just believe in it. Even when its crooked and uneven or just got stained dripped on in the wrong place..there is nothing you can not create when you begin to believe in yourself. The magic is when you exist between above and below and vibrate high enough to plant the first seed, you will then understand saying as above, so below. Just sowing that first seed will allow enough energy to be sent throughout the Universe and reverberate back in kind, what you put out to there..you get back. You grow..it too grows. So does your self esteem, your stability, your mindset...your life. It as the ability to change you.
My life has changed so much that I have even fallen in love again. This time with not just a very special creature but a baby girl as well. Someone who vibrates sometimes on a higher plane that myself and has given me the support and love I desperately wanted, a void l have never been able to fill. I have opened my life up to allow my heart to feel again...and god it feels good to be needed and wanted again but beyond that supported in my mission. Now I have 3 x's the reason to want to provide for my family. These two beings have completed a full circle for us and has allowed me to look back on all of the heartache, confusion and bullshit and know that it was all worth it all, and so was I. My soul is complete.
He supports me in ways I have to think over to understand, this blog for instance it was him who mentioned that maybe I should really update this and get it going again..That kind of support is priceless and compel me to believe even further in this venture.
Holy poop folk I have so much to show you, so many pictures to share with you, stories, blogs, so much education...so so so much to share! I will be working on these over the next few days to hope to get caught up from May until August..damn, its been that long? Good times! I have some shit to do man...I'm right on top of that Rose!
The point of this is..just do it man. You have nothing to loose, your own true self to gain and and so long as you follow your own path..you have nothing to fear. Nothing has stopped me from doing this, don't let anything prevent you from doing what makes your soul happy. When you do...I promise you, you WILL find yourself in your own creation!
Until next time...thanks for supporting me ya'all. Blessed Be!
-B.
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