There comes a certain point in the life of every adult when you have just had enough. For some it may be a built up frustration, sadness, stress or worse the combination of them all. When the entire world places it weight on your shoulders, you go straight into survival mode in order to walk through it. Meaning you stuff away your emotions or temperaments and just get through it, protecting everyone you care about along the way. But sometimes things just all go to wrong, all at one time and its you that carry the weight of its end result. No matter how hard you try you struggle to manage your thoughts and sadness you keep going despite it all! Until everything goes quiet.
I have many experiences in the ways of heartbreak and for a long time I placed myself in those situations by my own stupidity and doing; rather than it being something someone had done to hurt me. Honestly, there are many kinds of breakdowns and each their own recovery. Today I'd like to talk about the pain that comes when your heart is broken, when your best friend, partner and support system fails you and you have to pick up the pieces. I do not mind one bit sharing with you in my ignorance, nor in my drama, breakdown or recovery because I hope to the gods it helps someone out there. If it does it will have meant that I did not walk through this for nothing, it was with purpose. It would be even better if at the end of this blog you may better understand the purpose of your breakdown and better understand how to combat yourself...Although I'd like to say that this kind of fixing requires more than a tissue box. You have to work on it every time, you have to know what tools will fix which thing broken and you have to know when enough is enough. Without the strength you showed in getting through the situation you haven't a leg to stand on. If you went that far you can find your strength even at your lowest moments to allow yourself the cleansing and renewal a good breakdown can offer.
For me recently it was my x leaving and taking the baby for the second time, man that crushed my soul; broke my everything really and left my son scratching his head like...he just left us?!! Cool, be gone Satan!!I had known for sometime this guy was a piece of work but allowed the family dynamic keep me from doing anything really about it. Is there anything more sad really. seeing your child hurting and showing no emotions to be strong for you. Man, that moment blows! This, a year after my last bad idea and within the same year as Mark dying, my divorce, loosing Sam and the fresh wound from him bailing on me the day before my birthday. At first man I was so pissed off and hurt for my son I did not realize I was hurting as well. The entire world seemed so noisy and busy at that moment especially because it was 3 days before Thanksgiving I hadn't really noticed my vibration lowering. My spirit was washing out and I just kept on going like nothing was going on...but then one afternoon, I took my son to work, came home and for the first time in a long time, I found myself alone.
The silence in my once bustling house was deafening. The light looked dim, still...quiet. Empty!
Sigh! I remember trying to take in a deep breath but it, much like everything around me, was shallow and labored. That moment sucks to relive...... and then BLAM! in walks my M.O.
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN WEEK! It wasn't a thought or a feeling that broke me down at that moment, it was the silence.
Step 1: Understand now that having a breakdown is healthier than you think.
For whatever reasons you have for being here and reading this, I want you to realize your not alone. Having a nervous breakdown does not make you weak or in need of medical treatment.(Unless it becomes a health issue or if you truly need a therapist) This is your bodies way of telling you that you can't handle anymore weight on your shoulders and that you need to release the stress, emotion, sadness, anger and helplessness before it has a chance to take over. Allowing yourself this release believe it or not will help you when its all said and done.
With every form of positive energy there are negatives or dark energies in this world. It is natural to be leary of the darker side but embracing it can at times set you free.
Holding in emotions and stress does peculiar things to your immune system. Messes with your sleep habits, can make you grind your teeth or wake up countless times through out the night. It plays havoc with your inner ability to relax and in worse cases enjoy life as a whole. In times of crisis, fucked off drama, heartbreak, loss or just a gut full of years of stuffed away aggression a breakdown it honestly allows you the chance to heal. Long term stress can cause heart decease and a half ton of other nasties, as if the person wasn't suffering enough. Holding in all of your baggage can take years off your life, give you wrinkles early in life, health issues, stomach problems and basically make you an emotional train-wreck.
So long as no one else need be involved and it can be released in safety..I say let it fly. You will eat yourself alive if you carry so much along your personal journey, why carry the heartache with you? Break it on down!
Step 2: Breaking down safely
I do not know your circumstance but I know our struggle is the same. For me, the feeling of isolation and loneliness, loss and frustration is hard on me. It is now a week before Christmas and a few weeks ago I was shopping for an entire family.. Today, it is just for one. Passing by all of the other families laughing or just being oblivious to the world around them. They looked so happy and inside I am lost. The store is not the place for emotions.
You have to find a sanctuary for yourself, a place that you can find some joy in. This isn't something your best friend can ultimately talk you through, this is life on file's terms and something that only you can walk through. Create a sacred space that you can find refuge in. It's a personal path, the only person that can teach you better than you is life...and boy howdy does it kick your ass with lessons out of nowhere, like BOOM and always when you never see it coming. This makes you vulnerable and easily manipulated on occasion, this is a personal battle that needs your personal attention. Outside influences can take advantage or can lead you down a different path then the one the Universe intended. Privacy is important when its this personal. Like get on your favorite jammies, put your hair up..get all your favorite vices and just be a total sobbing mess for the day. Makes sure you have no responsibilities, no kids, turn off the phone. Grab your tissue, your bottle of wine and lets do the damn thing! Your friends don't need this kind of drama and honestly nothing they say is going to do a better job then a good life lesson. You need to do you right now. Stay home, lock the door and break down the barrier between you and your emotions. The sooner you allow yourself the empowerment of surrendering your baggage the quicker you can get back to feeling like yourself again.
A breakdown is personal. It is you connecting to your inner emotions and expressing in low vibrations to the Universe and it in returns reflects the answers you seek through the process of grieving. Once received can be downloaded, increasing your vibrational energy, allowing it then to reprogram the bit of you that is no longer functional. Giving you a new program that makes you twice as strong, You gain your strength through the process of surrendering to the design. No matter if its stress or loss it is grief and its stages that we learn or grow. Once you embrace the darkness along the path, the more you will understand that through the act of breaking down, a rebirth can take place and something new can built.
Step 3: Embracing the darkness
Your mind can take you to dark places and thoughts during times of utter sadness, but there is nothing to be afraid of within the dark, it is there we find our answers. We look at it all wrong, like we think everything bad lurks in the shadows of our mind, but is that really the case? Sometimes the dark is like peaky blinders that black out the rest of the world and draws your attention away from all you can see. It gives you focus while connecting to the source energy for answers. In the darkest moment of our lives we somehow find ours strength. Along our journey the wind blows out our candles and we have to feel our way around. We are not really blind, its just that we can't see the path ahead of us. You stumble and now you know where you tripped up so you most likely won't stub your toe on the same stump a second time, you learned to walk in the dark. Metaphorically speaking that is exactly what a breakdown is. its a learning process that forces you to embrace the darkness within by focusing on what is really important...you and your footing.
When we step inside ourselves and express our deepest of emotions we believe ourselves lost without the light to guide us. All kinds of negative thoughts can come across your mind but if you learn how to embrace the hard times, the dark places in life..you will have a valuable tool for your arsenal of coping mechanisms. A healthy breakdown starts by understanding the need for it, your ability to release it while still being healthy, allowing yourself to empty your emotional banks-going inside your darkness and the ability to see a clean foundation from which to rebuild on in the end. The darkness allows you the time to figure it all out.
Despite the fact the idea of being alone is one of the factors that put in me this place, in the darkness I find myself in reflection without any background noise or interference. I then begin to accept myself as alone and find comfort that I have no pressure for change. I can take my time and allow myself to exhale the toxic air within my lungs. Embracing the isolation of your sanctuary does not have to lead you into darkness, but should allow you the comfort of the journey to growth, it should be a place you are most happy being alone in. Even in the darkest of nights eventually light will come, and it with it..the knowledge of the day. Once you are in your sacred space...its time to break it on dooooowwwnnn!!!
Break down before it breaks you
There is only so much a person can take, there is only so long a person can go before their emotions take a toll on them. With all the damage you cause yourself by holding it all in; the mental anguish you put yourself through, by not letting go it will eventually break you down. As I said before a breakdown is your bodies way of being like "Your done Karen..Go Home!" When you do not acknowledge your symptoms early on or you do not take steps to prevent yourself from it..eventually the Universe will step in and your body will give out. You will break down. The pure weight of all that you carry deteriorates your body and is medically proven in your stomach, shoulders, back and heart...you will be lucky to only have but 1 of these affects but for the majority, we got the whole ass thing..its simply exhausting.
There are many coping skills to combat the early onset of a nervous breakdown. Writing and talking things out, blogging or simply going for a walk to think. Taking alone time to reflect on your thoughts and emotions can really do a person wonders. Keeping a journal is amazing for seeing habits and patterns over time, coloring in adult coloring books is not only a blast but proven by doctors to be effective stress relief. There are specialized treatments, support groups and a ton of works on the subject that are helpful for some. But lets face it, this information usually comes to late and fails to resonate or when its more personal than that. When it comes to matters of the heart, unfortunately.,..we aren't as open to listening to advice for healing. No..we have to figure it out for ourselves. it is how we grow. But on the other side of the coin, knowing your symptoms or the triggers can help you better prepare for the battle that may lie ahead. Your body is a great indicator of problematic and unhealthy emotions brewing. Knowing your habits and behaviors, feelings and body language in and around stress or sadness can also help you see a patterns so you can better express yourself during such times. Just being mindful that you are even feeling emotional or upset can give you an insight that it may be time to work on whatever it is that is bothering you, take a good look at what is making you feel this way,.face it now so that you do not have to breakdown later. When its unavoidable however, your strongest tool will be you and your strength to keep fighting, your strength will depend on your ability to let go, surrender, breakdown and rebuild.
Holding space for emotional baggage eventually breaks your back, let go man. Like break down, go through a million tissues if you need to but for god sakes let it go...I have an excellent way to prove the feeling of heaviness, that weight you string along your back has real weight.
You carry more weight then you know
Write down all of your feelings on a piece of paper and number them one by one. All your problems and what ever your angry about. Be honest and thorough. Make sure you really dig deep so you have everything listed before you.
Now, take a walk. Find a small rock just big enough to write on. Find a rock for each of the issues and feelings you wrote on your list.
Go home and one by one, pick up a rock and with a sharpie write 1 line item on 1 rock, continue to do this until you have gone through your list.
Now, empty your purse or pocket of a jacket and put your rocks in there, carry this around for a week and come back, lets talk about the experience.
I have actually done this in my recovery time, my result will be the same as yours would be and that's me being like, why am I doing this..this shit is HEAVY! Oh snap, no you did not just go there...oh but I did! Each of those rocks represents the weight of the matter at hand, its back breaking. All of those things you listed sit on your chest day after day and without looking at the gravity they put on you it is really hard to know how to fix it or simply loose the weight. How can you empty your pocket or purse and rid yourself of 10lbs of rocks? You take one out at a time, read and it and ask yourself if you own the issue, if you can fix it or if it is really yours to begin with? When you can say no to any or all of those questions..you throw the rock away. Getting rid of rocks that do not serve you can take some serious weight off of you. When you no longer carry your bag of rocks around, you are no longer attached to them. Pretty Good one huh?
Bet you didn't realize how heavy your emotional baggage was huh?
Give yourself the time to get over it
Listen, there is no quick fixes here and you can't rush yourself into magically finding a cure for the breakdown. You have to give yourself the time to just get it all out...all of it, every last ugly, sniveling, tear swamped tub of ice cream we can eat bit of it...the whole ass thing! This could take a night or a few days. Sit on the couch, pig out, cry it out..don't shower..just be a funky sad hot train-wreck of a mess as long as you need to but do it knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keeping a firm grasp of this too shall pass is key to breaking down all that has you so upset. Crush that shit..smash it..beat the fuck right up out of it...destroy and retract all contract verbal, non and physical. While you break down, take back your power. You can achieve that by exhaling all of your negative energy and feeling and inhaling positive vibes. Finding gratitude despite all of the downfalls, reminding yourself of the rocks and understanding you are breaking down because you are a person with heart who clearly cares and has valid reason for being upset. You have the right to your feelings, you have the right to express them, you have the right to a breakdown and you have the right to rebuild. This can not be rushed and when the time is right for you, you will see and feel the knowledge you were after, you will have received the message that was sent, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
My last one took me about 4 days to really get it all out and over with, I took a few days off and did nothing but cry. Sat around in my fluffy robe and just cried. By day 2 my sadness turned to anger, day 3 my anger into loss and by day 4 back to sadness but then it hit me..I had to go really dark to find my light on this one. I wrote a blog about the experience called bump in the road. I have to say it was really ugly folks but the beauty of it was what I did with the information i was given in the dark. It wasn't all fun and games, i had to work to find my way back to the light, I had to want it. I had to break my feelings down to find it. Destroy my anger and fight my inner demons to flatten the playing field. Now that I can see all the cards on the table, I will know how to build my castle again.
Growth, rebuilding
Ok, three days later ya stink..get yourself up, go take a shower and lets talk about this. Feel better? Sad to say but I bet ya do. That feeling in your chest and stomach isn't so biting and I bet you slept pretty good last night. I wager to say that sometime over the last 12 hours you have discovered something, you have come to some conclusion or you have rid yourself of the immediate pain involved. Everything feels a bit more calm and you can now look around with a bit of clarity, you no longer have the sadness perching on your shoulders. You can think without a spinning head. Your eyes are now open and before you a solid foundation of ground and you get to build your future on it.
Your breakdown was exactly that, you breaking down all of your thoughts and feelings to rebuild a better feeling you. Now that its all gone and the negative shit destroyed, you have already begun the processes of rebuilding your strength and hope. It wont take long before you find your rhythm in life again and chances are you've gained a better perspective of yourself. That is growth!
I am still sad and you may be too depending on your situation but I am no longer angry, I am back to sleeping and I feel a ton of weight lifted off my shoulders. I let go of so much crap in those few days that I felt light as a feather. it did not fix all of my problems and I still miss having a big family, I think that's a healthy emotion to have. I miss my step daughter, I taught her to walk and eat on her own and how to talk..I may never get over her not being around to kiss on everyday..but I am ok. I learned to love a part of myself that was feeling lost in the dark, I remembered how hard I tried, I manifested my strength in my darkest thoughts, I can find happiness now because all of the sadness is washed away, I really learned who I am and what I am capable of and that ladies in gentleman is all thanks to a great big fat nervous breakdown! or BF if you will.
If taken with the right place in mind, a good old fashion nervous breakdown can be healthy, educational, therapeutic and help keep you sane. Your guts will appreciate it and so will your friends.
Breakdown responsibly!
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